


Your Love is Nothing But a Monster

by TVDramaQueen



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 2015 Stanley Cup Playoffs, Christmas, Flashbacks, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Marriage Proposal, New Year's Eve, Snippets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-14 09:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5738932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVDramaQueen/pseuds/TVDramaQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of wanting Johnny to finally confess this feelings Patrick is disappointed when the day actually comes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Playoff Run

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song 2 Heads. This is going to be a long one so get ready for a ride.

They never thought they would beat the Ducks.

Sure the Predators and Wild gave them a good run for their money but neither team was a big of a threat as the Ducks. The Ducks were deep and all weighed about 20 pounds more than half of their team. But somehow, someway, the Blackhawks beat the Ducks in game 7 to advance to Tampa Bay.

The locker room was loud and excited as Patrick entered. Yet Patrick wasn’t as happy as he should have been. Not for anything to do with the cup or winning, because he was indeed pleased with another chance at the trophy they called Lord Stanley. No, it was because of a certain chipper captain at the other end of the locker room cheering with the rest of the team.

As Shawzy ran up to give Pat a thump on the back Patrick tired his best to make himself look somewhat cheerful for the night. He pulled on his best smile as he swore deep down Johnny wouldn’t hear the end of this.

*2 hours before the game*

Patrick arrived at Honda center a little earlier than normal with Hossa, mostly planning on trying to get himself into his game mode and be prepared for the game ahead as it was assumed to be a challenging one. He changed out of his game day suit and into his Blackhawks hoodie and shorts and sat in his stall as he heard Hossa leave the dressing room, probably in search of a trainer or a coach to go over some game strategies. Patrick was just about to slide in his headphones to block out any extra noise so he could clear his head when suddenly he heard the locker room door reopen.

“Hoss, you forget something?” He asks but when he isn’t met with his friend’s voice he’s slightly confused. That is until a certain tight ass, giant entered the locker room looking as serious as ever.

“Why are you here so early? Pat asks as Johnny comes to sit down beside him. His friend huffs before answering with a long drawn out sigh.

“I made a mistake.”

Kaner snorts “What now? You forget your anniversary again or to pick up a certain man-child’s laundry for him?”

Johnny shakes his head no while he looks down to the floor below him.

“It can’t be that bad Johnny.”

Johnny looks up then, into Patrick’s eyes “It is Pat.”

Patrick isn’t really one hundred percent sure what Johnny’s getting at now. Like what, did he kill somebody? He just looks so sad and Patrick may hate him on the outside but deep down he still cares about the idiot.

“You can tell me, you know. I won’t be mad.”

Johnny looks at him again once he’s said that and instead of telling Pat what’s bothering him, he leans in and closes the gap between the two. Patrick has no idea what the hell brought this on but instead of pulling away like he should he lets his eyes flutter closes and kisses back.

He feels guilty, because he’s had this chance thousands of times and now he shouldn’t have this chance and he’s still taking it.

This isn’t his first kiss with Johnny and it probably won’t be the last so he pulls away before things get too out of hand. Johnny looks a little confused that Pat pulled away but instead of saying anything Pat just gets up and goes looking for somewhere else he can prepare for the game because now his mental state is totally off.

As Patrick finished dressing back into his game suit Bickell comes over asking if he’s coming out with them tonight. Patrick waves them off but shouts at Shawzy to text him where they’re going in case he changes his mind. This conversation with Johnny could anywhere and Patrick isn’t interested in drinking alone if it goes badly.

He says goodnight to Seabs and Sharpy as they head out, Sharpy giving him a slightly funny look for still waiting around this long. And then finally Johnny and Saader exit.

“Kaner, what are you still doing here?’ Saader asks

“Um, actually I need to talk to Johnny. I’ll be fast if you want to wait for him.”

Saader nods before wandering off down the hall. When Patrick can’t see him anymore he starts.

“Dude, what the hell was that earlier?”

“Hey you’re the one who just left after? I finally tell you I want to be with you and you fucking just left!”

“You didn’t tell me anything!” Patrick shouts back at him. “You kissed me, cheated on Brandon and then ignored me for the rest of the night and then started leaving with him without saying a thing to me!”

“I told you I made a mistake and I kissed you what did you think I meant?”

Patrick groans “Use your damn words next time Johnny. I’m not some dumb kid anymore who believes that you actual want to be with me and would risk my friendship with Brandon so we could see if things work out. You had your chance when we were 19 and when we were 24. I’m not here just sitting around waiting for you.”

Johnny doesn’t say anything after that. Patrick scoffs before brushing past him and starting down the hallway.

“Pat, come on.”

“I’ll see you on the plane.” He yells back, making sure not to turn his head so Johnny doesn’t see how upset he really is.

Pat collapses into his pillow back at the hotel, not trusting himself to go out for drinks. He keeps getting texts from Johnny, pleading for him to come meet him somewhere to talk. He’s not buying any of this. Johnny just can’t get over that he really did love Patrick and he was just being as immature as Patrick was at the time when he told him he didn’t want to be with him.

He’s almost asleep, letting the game highlights lull him to sleep when there’s a pounding knock at his door.

“Go away Johnny!” He shouts before he can even see if it’s actually him.

“It’s Patrick you dumb ass.” Sharpy shouts back. Patrick groans before getting up to let him in.

“Sorry, I thought you were Johnny.”

Sharpy shrugs “No biggy. Why would he be down here this late anyways?”

“We had a fight about something stupid and he won’t leave me alone now. I don’t get him, one second he’s begging me to leave him and his life alone and the next he’s begging me to be in his life.”

“He’s a confusing fellow I’ll give you that.” Sharpy responses while entering the room and closing the door behind him. “What were you two fighting about this time?”

“He kissed me before the game.” Patrick murmurs out loud enough that he hopes Sharpy heard him so he doesn’t have to repeat it. He sits back down on the bed and throws his head back “And he told me he wants us to be together.”

Sharpy slightly gapes at him “I thought you meant you were fighting about the team. This is a lot bigger then what I was expecting.”

“Sharpy what do I do? I’ll always love Johnny but he’s broken my heart so many times. And I can’t do that to Saader. He’s been in love with Johnny since he was a rookie.”

“So have you Pat.” Sharpy says with a smirk “There’s only two things you can really do, either go back to chasing Johnny like a love sick puppy and hope he stays on his word that he wants to be with you or move on and let him and Saader be together.”

Pat sighs “I know. I just don’t know which one to do.”

Sharpy gives him a pat on the back for support before he leaves Patrick with his thoughts so he can really think about what he wants to do and not just do what Sharpy thinks he should do.


	2. The Past is the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the last chapter. I fixed it up. It's my new computer it doesn't seem to like Archive. Hopefully that won't happen again. Thanks for everyone who let me know!

‘You don’t actually love him. You don’t love anyone but yourself.’

Johnny groans as the thought plays through his head again for the thousandth time that night. Ever since he and Saader decided to call it a night he’s being lying in their king size bed listening to his brain tell him over and over again that he’s just an asshole ruining Pat’s life.

He shouldn’t have said anything. Pat’s right, he should just let him move on. It’s just so hard to move on when you’re still madly in love with someone and you can feel it that they feel the same way.

When he found out Patrick and his ‘boyfriend’, if you can even call him that, were over it just hit him like a bus that he wanted to be with Pat. He knew the reason they broke up, just like most of Patrick’s boyfriends, because of hockey and the travel. The only boyfriend Patrick’s ever had that didn’t dump him because of hockey was Sam Gagner and they broke up because he wanted to sleep with Taylor Hall.

He was jealous as hell when Patrick even brought this guy to dinner a few months back. His name was Mark and he was from Buffalo and he and Pat met last time they were there for a game. He liked hockey but he was a Sabres fan and Shawzy had joked after they left that night that he and Patrick would never last. He was right because only 4 months later Patrick had come to practice looking tired and hung over and Johnny over heard him telling Shawzy that he had, in fact, been dumped.

‘You’re only hurting more people than you’re making happy.’

Johnny groaned as he rolled over and tried to block the voices in his head out with the pillow his head was occupying but it was no use. He was never getting any sleep tonight.

“You’re still not over him are you?”

Pat sighed as he played with his salad yet again. He wasn’t even hungry anymore. He had agreed to get lunch with Sharpy the day after they got back from Anaheim but all he could think about was Johnny and how much he wanted to be kissing him again when he knew he should be thinking about how they were going to beat the Bolts on Wednesday.

“I can’t help it okay! I see him every day and I just want to punch him and then kiss it better because he makes me hate him and love him all at the same time!”

Sharpy laughs so Patrick flicks a crouton at him

“This isn’t funny! Why can’t I just have a normal relationship like you and Seabs or like Duncs and his wife?”

“I wouldn’t say Duncs relationship is normal. He’s been separated for almost a year now Pat.”

“Well before that. When he had a nice marriage and a perfect baby and a perfect life. Why can’t me and Johnny just have a perfect little family and life like that? Why does it have to be so complicated?”

“I really can’t tell you buddy. Only Johnny could.”

“You’re never any help.” Pat complains as he takes a sip of his coke.


	3. Just Feels Dirty

The October wind is cold on Pat’s body as they stand upon the football field. This is not what Patrick expected when he was invited out here. He expected a warm, nice Chicago day but instead got stuck with a overcast sky and he’s grouchy because of it.

“Your face is going to stick like that if you don’t stop frowning.” Andy says as he and his baby walk by him. Patrick scowls, mostly because it makes Ames laugh.

“Are you really that cold?” Johnny asks coming to stand beside him. Pat shrugs, he is cold but he’s mostly making a scene out of it so hopefully they can go get hot chocolate after.

“He’s just a wuss!” Shawzy shouts from over where he’s standing. Patrick turns and sticks his tongue out at him. When he turns back however Johnny’s holding out a hoodie for him.

“Where did you even get that?” Patrick asks

“Does it really matter? Put it on before your nipples freeze off.”

Patrick grunts but still takes the offer. He normally wouldn’t, or at least he’d make a bigger scene out of it but he’s feeling generous today.

He also knows why Johnny’s doing it. He knows Shawzy caught him and Crow making out at the bar and he knows he told Bollig who told Leddy who told Saader who told Bickell who told Hoss who told Johnny. Really, his friends are huge assholes who can’t keep their mouths shut. It’s not even like it meant anything.

I mean it might have. Patrick isn’t sure they haven’t had a chance to talk about it yet. He knows Shawzy would be happy because then when the Flames come to town or in the summer the four of them could double date. Shawzy’s always looking for other couples to drag along with him and Brandon and now that both Leddy and Saader are gone he doesn’t have a regular couple to go out with.

Patrick ends up warming up enough to enjoy the rest of the afternoon with Johnny’s sweater on but he still wishes it had been warmer out. When they can go Andy says something about the guys coming back to his place for a beer and when Crow says he’ll come Pat instantly answers he will too.

Johnny scowls from where he’s standing before quickly answering “You know what, I will join you guys.”

“Why?” Pat mumbles to himself, or more likely to the gods who are decideding today Patrick should have to deal with his, I guess you could say ex, and the new guy he likes trying to both woo him while he listens to Shawzy snicker in the corner.

The majority of his night does go the way he expected. Corey goes and get’s him a drink and they start talking and then moments later Johnny’s there, joining them like there all buddies. Then Patrick goes to the bathroom and Johnny follows him like it was some code for them to sneak off together. Finally, Pat’s ready to leave with a semi drunken Krugar and drive his Swedish friend home when Johnny volunteers to join them.

As Krugar exits the car at his apartment, thanking Pat again for being so generous, Pat smacks Johnny in the arm.

“I hate you. Why do you keep trying to cock block me?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Johnny answers thought Pat can see the smugness in his face.

“I swear if Sharpy was still here I would kill you right now. He would help me hide the body, he loved me. I don’t know if I can trust Seabs or Duncs with that kind of responsibility.”

Johnny rolls his eyes “I’ll leave you alone when you admit you’re still not over me.”

“I am over you! That’s why I kissed Corey and that’s why I’ll kiss many more guys in the future. Because I don’t want to be kissing you!”

Johnny just rolls his eyes again. As Pat pulls up to his place Johnny gets out but casually gives Pat a wink as he exits his car.

“I saw that!” Patrick shouts out his window before driving off.


	4. Jingle Bell Rock

“Are you going to get me anything for Chrsitmas because I don’t want to get you something and you to feel awkward because you didn’t get me something?”

“Who is this?” Johnny grunts out, his voice sleep ridden and gravely.

“Patrick, you dummy. Are you sleeping? It’s like noon dude.”

“I was tired okay? Stupid neighbor’s dog was up braking until 1 am.”

“That sucks. So about Christmas...”

“What about it?”

“Are you getting me something?”

“I guess so.” Johnny answers “I hadn’t really thought about it yet it’s only November.”

“Well you don’t have to I just thought with that nice new contract your getting and that shiny C gracing your jersey you’d be able to get me something less shitty then the sweater you got me last year.”

“Shut up it was a joke gift.”

Patrick chuckles on the other side of the line “Sure it was.”

Johnny smiles, Patrick can always tell when he’s down and would like his mood brightened. Things have been better lately, especially with the season starting so great. Patrick’s got the game in his head instead of being stupid and doing stupid things he shouldn’t be doing and Johnny’s glad. Sharpy won’t stop teasing him about liking Pat though. He’s just being a good captain he doesn’t have to have feelings for the curly haired boy just to care about his well being.

“If I got you socks would that be okay?” Johnny asks and can hear Patrick fake gag on the other end “They’ll be Blackhawks socks!”

“They’ll be given to your neighbor’s dog as a chew toy.” Pat retaliates.


	5. Break up blues

Patrick bangs on Johnny’s door for what seems like the hundredth time that morning. “Johnny, please come out!”

Finally, after that he hears the door handle jiggle and Johnny opens the door to reveal himself.

“Jeez, Duncs was right you do look like shit.”

Johnny doesn’t say anything or even change his dull expression, just opens the door wider and motions for Pat to come inside.

“So... sorry to hear about Brandon. I know it must be tough but it’s better to see him happy then to see his miserable without Leddy.”

Johnny still doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring at Pat.

“Well, Duncs said you haven’t really eaten much so I bought some of your favorite pasta from the store on the way here. If you want, I can make it for us while you go and clean up a little because you seriously need to shave that beard is getting as bad as it is in the playoffs.”

“Why are you here Pat?”

“What do you mean why am I here? My friend got dumped by my other friend and since my other friend was traded I guess I get to support you and take care of you until you get over it.”

“But... you said you hate me? You told me after Brandon caught us that this was a mistake and you never wanted to see me again. You told me you were going to ask to be traded Pat!”

“Listen,” Pat starts as he sets the pasta down on the kitchen island beside where Johnny’s leaning “I know what I said but I was just really upset and I’m sorry for saying all of that. Now, will you please go shave because I can’t be seen with you by your house keeper if you look like that.”

Johnny smirks; body checks Pat slightly and then proceeds to the shower.

As the month goes on this continues. Pat knows it shouldn’t, that he should be listening to what Sharpy said before he left, but he feels bad for Johnny. So he goes over there and cooks for them, they play video games or go for a run and then Pat goes home to his apartment and sulks that he has no life and all his teammates are home for the summer.

Pat finally goes to Buffalo on the 10th and Johnny goes to Winnipeg on the 11th. They Skype and text but it isn’t the same. He’s also pretty sure this isn’t normal, to be friends with someone you hate so much but also love so much at the same time. Most people would be jumping right on said person once his significant other was out of the picture but Pat’s trying to be responsible this time. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up so he’s having a trail run of being friends without relationships and then he’ll see if they can move into a real relationship.

Then, however, Patrick hears from Seabs that Johnny’s seeing someone new.

He has no clue how he found out Johnny was seeing someone new but when Patrick looks up this guy’s name online he gets a Facebook page of a guy from Winnipeg who was at Johnny’s cup day.

“Fuck me.” Pat says when he opens the guy’s pictures. He’s tan, blonde hair and super nice abs. Almost all his pictures are his shirtless, kind of like Johnny’s are.

“Why the hell didn’t Johnny tell me about this? We talk on Skype every night before he goes to bed and he couldn’t remember to tell me ‘Oh hey Pat by the way I’m dating this angel surfer god and his name is Blake and he loves the same tea I like and he goes to Toews lake every summer.’ How could you forget to tell your best friend that?”

“Maybe because he didn’t want you to know,” Brent tells him on the other side of the line. “Maybe it was just a fling?”

Kaner huffs “Well I’m going to find out.”

“Please don’t get on a plane to Winnipeg again. You know what happened last time.”

Kaner huffs “Fine, but when he’s back in Chicago he’s going to get it.”


	6. Ring in the New Year with a kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! Would anyone you be interested in a squeal or part two to this fic? I started something somewhat based off of this fic and I'm curious if people would be interested in that. Also thanks for reading!

Patrick wouldn’t call himself an expert babysitter in the slightest.

He doesn’t have plans for New Years. Corey wants to go out with the guys but Pat just hasn’t been in the mood for that lately. All he wants to do is mop because Johnny is mopping and he knows he could make Johnny happy but that would be giving in.

He’s been left to watch Carter, Ames and Mackayla. It was supposed to be a duo effort, he and Teuvo should be sitting here suffering in small toddler screaming together, but Teuvo only gets to see Vermy once in a while. Patrick doesn’t know much about the feeling, only have really ever dated guys from his own area or team. But Kaner can give him sympathy, because he knows the feeling of longing for Johnny while he’s been away before, or injured, so he lets his friend off the hook.

He’s finally settled down the rug rats when there’s a bang at his apartment door. He rushes to get it, worried it may be one of the toddler’s parents’ home early from the party. However instead he’s greeted with Johnny.

“What are you doing here? I thought you had plans with your ‘boyfriend’.”

Johnny had told all the guys his ‘boyfriend’ was in town from Winnipeg and they were hanging out. No one has still yet to meet this guy and frankly Kaner thinks Johnny may have made him up to piss of Brandon.

“He decided not to come out. I think we’re going to probably end things it’s just not working out.”

Pat nods slowly. “So why are you here exactly?”

“Thought you might need a hand.” Johnny offers

“I’m a great babysitter thank you very much.”

“Well I’m pretty sure babies aren’t supposed to be chewing on wires so…” Johnny replies, pointing behind Kaner where Ames is currently sucking on Patirck’s phone charger. He groans and goes over to retrieve the child and get him away from his expensive, dangerous, electronics.

Babysitting with Johnny isn’t what Kaner thought it would be. He expected him to be controlling and want to convince all the kids to hate Pat. But instead he’s loving and sweet and let’s Pat decide anything like what they should have for supper and how late they can stay up. Once Johnny and Pat have wrangled the three off into bed the two sit on the couch and turn on the New York Time’s Square New Year’s Eve Ball Drop. It’s still awhile till count down but they chat and watch until it gets around that time.

Pat’s going on about some movie he and Shawzy watched on the teams last road trip when Johnny stops him.

“Pat, I have to be honest, there’s a real reason I’m here.”

“You said it was to help me babysit, I know-“

“No a real reason.” Johnny admits

“Okay well shoot.”

Johnny takes a deep breath, looking away from Patrick. He then shoves his hand in his pocket and pulls out a small box. When Pat realizes what said small box really is he almost chokes on the air he was breathing.

“Dude is that what I think it is?”

Johnny takes another deep breath “If you think it’s a ring then yes.”

“Was that for your boyfriend?” Pat asks, suddenly feeling his heart drop slightly.

“No.”

“Saader?”

“No Pat.”

Patrick is about to ask who it is for then when he realizes that maybe there was a real reason Jon came over tonight. A real important reason.

“It’s for me?”

“I know you and me are nothing near being in a relationship right now but Patrick I love you. More than anything. More than I’ve ever loved someone ever. You drive me insane but you make me sane. Without you I’m not nearly as great of a player. I lied about Chris, I never met someone in Winnipeg. I was trying to make you jealous, because I thought you would finally see we should be together.”

“Wow.” Patrick says after all that.

“So?”

“Can I see the ring?”

“What the fuck Pat? You can see it once you answer.”

“I’m not answering until I can see the ring.” Pat retaliates. Johnny groans but tosses the box at Patirck’s lap.

“That’s one big rock Johnny.”

“Is that a yes then?”

“I’ll think about it.” Patrick says with a smirk but he slides the ring on his finger.

Johnny’s about to explode but then he sees Pat with said ring on his wedding ring finger and it makes his heart leap. He knows this is Pat’s way of getting him back for all the years of him screwing things up so he really can’t blame him.

The countdown begins on the TV pulling their attention towards it. Pat starts to count down himself and as the clock hits 1 Johnny grabs his face by the chin and smashes their lips together. It’s so much different than all the other times they’ve kissed, it means so much more because now Pat is begging for Johnny to want him back, now he does, and forever too.

“I will marry you on one condition.” Pat says when they pull apart, faces still inches apart.

“What’s that?”

“That we move in here. Your condo makes me want to request a trade to a different state just to get away from it.”

Johnny snorts “Okay. I’ll give you that.” And then leans back in to capture Pat in another kiss, one of many for the future.


End file.
